I should probably explain about the Closet of Wonder.  It’s this wonderful place in the house where everything I can ever possibly be interested in is kept.  Whenever TheMan goes towards the Closet of Wonder, I have to go too because it might mean one of my favorite things.

That’s where the Milkbones are (or Breathbusters now).  Right next to those is the leash.  The leash means a walk and that’s the most wonderful thing ever.  I get to go check the pee mail!   The comb is also there.

The comb is a mixed blessing to me.  If he grabs that, it means he’s going to pay attention to me and brush me all over which feels good but only sometimes.  When my hair gets tangled, he combs me and it pulls the hair which hurts.  If the hair is normal then it feels pretty good and he always goes over everything which is pretty nice.  But the tangling really hurts so I’m never sure what’s going to happen with the comb.  Plus, he wants to brush EVERYWHERE if you know what I mean and I’m sorry but some things are sacred.  When he goes to brush my tail, that’s it; I’ve got to leave.  Gotta draw the line there.

But everything that I’m interested in is kept in the Closet of Wonder.  Even the heartworm pills are there and they’re not too bad either.  Taste like chicken.

I think TheMan may be on to me.  I’m getting old now and I’ve been experimenting with ignoring the family when they want me to do something like go outside.  But I still hear the garbage man and I just can’t hold back then and TheMan has noticed.  But the truth is I’m mad at him.  He hit me last week.

We were enjoying the day inside when this strange man shows up in the back yard.  Now I know that ain’t right!  So I go off on him barking and wanting out.  I even put the snarl into the bark you know?  Well TheMan gets all mad and tells me to stop barking!  Can you believe that?  A total stranger is wandering around his yard looking all over for something and he thinks it’s OK?  ITS NOT OK! I’ve seen the guy before too; the guy with the shirt that says “Terminix” on it.  All I know is that he’s not family and he must die!

I kept barking because I know what’s what and finally TheMan hit me!  Right on the backside.  I can’t believe it; he hasn’t done that in forever – since they first took me in.  I can’t understand why he thinks it’s OK for that stranger to be wandering around like that.  So I’ve been giving him the ‘ignore’ treatment lately but as I said, he’s on to me.  When he gets the leash out, I can’t help myself and he has notice that I can hear it when he gets it out of the Closet Of Wonder.

Well, OK then.  But he shouldn’t have hit me.

Dog Breath

April 27, 2007

So, they’re all saying I have dog breath.  And I’m like, “Yeah, So?  You’re surprised because…?”

Then TheMan bought me “BreathBusters” instead of Milk Bones.

Momentary aside:  do you have any idea how slow it is to type with paws and claws?  Geez!  Why doesn’t somebody make a keyboard for dogs?  Anyway…

So I’m eating these BreathBusters and lovin’ ’em.  I eat anything though so it’s no big deal.  I get two a day and can’t wait.  I guess they help, nobody has pushed me away lately.

Squirrel!

April 27, 2007

Wow.  With two teenagers and TheMan and his wife in the house, I can never get on the computer any more.  So my updates are pretty rare.  But it’s worth the wait!  I got a SQUIRREL!

The screened in back patio is open all the time so I can get in and out.  (I could get in and out anyway but TheMan really freaks out when I claw my way through the screenwire so I never did that again.)  Well, in walks this squirrel and of course, is too stupid to find his way out.  Rats with furry tails – that’s what squirrels.  Maybe they can’t see too good but he was totally freaking out about being trapped.  TheMan saw this and went out to deal with it.

I don’t need to tell anybody that a squirrel makes me get all quivery; as much as seeing them get the leash out.   TheMan tried to open the door and squeeze his way out without me but I just went crazy.  I poked my nose into the crack and I was gone man!  Whee, off we went; it was so fun!

TheMan obviously gave up because he just stood to the side and let it play out and for that, I’ll love him forever.  That idiot squirrel took off like a rocket but he’d just whack into the screens:  WHACK!  RUN!  WHACK!  He tried every direction (except for the one direction that would take him out the door.  This was way more fun than anything!  I chased him and got him several times.  I’d grab his ass and flick him and he’d go sailing; whee!  And start running again.  Oh, there’s just no words for how cool it was.  Finally I got him and he twisted around and bit me on my chin.

It hurt kind of and I shook my head and he came off and we went a few rounds more.  Then I got him again and he bit me again and hung on.  That really hurt and I got made so I shook him off and bit him hard right in the middle.  He pissed me off then!  TheMan was standing by the door in his bare feet dancing around trying to avoid getting in the way (which was totally funny by the way.)  Finally, the tree rat managed to find the door and went out that way.  I followed and bit him one last time – I guess he was limping from my last bite.  I got him good and he didn’t move any more.

TheMan then grabbed my collar (darn that collar!) and dragged me inside the house.  I could see the rat’s chest heaving, I knew he wasn’t done yet.  I wanted to finish him off and eat him but I guess that was out of the question.  I stood there and watched through the window and saw the tree rat finally roll over slowly, get up, and make his way over to the tree.  He climbed very slowly; he was hurt really bad.  He finally made his way up and out of my sight and I fell asleep.

That was pretty tiring.

Hot

April 18, 2006

It’s getting hot around here. When you have as much hair as I do, it means you have thermal issues. It cools off at night though so I prefer to sleep outside then. TheMan just doesn’t seem to get that though; he’s always trying to get me to sleep in the house. I may have something to do with that thing behind the fence.

Every night about the same time, something starts rustling around just on the other side of the fence with the tree behind it. I just know that whatever that is isn’t supposed to be there so I make sure and tell it in no uncertain terms to shove off! It’s important to maintain the status quo you know.

But TheMan gets all mad when I do that. I guess he doesn’t like to be woken up; I don’t understand that myself. I’m a light sleeper and it just doesn’t bother me. Plus, that thing behind the fence has woken me up already so why shouldn’t it wake Him up too? It’s his house for crying out loud! Why isn’t he bothered by that thing behind the fence? You’re supposed to be concerned about these little unknown things; otherwise you might ignore the wrong thing and get eaten some dark night. But does he understand that? Noooo! He gets all mad at me for defending his home for him and he makes me come inside and sleep in that stuffy house.

The least he could do is turn on the air conditioning. But I’m a dog right? So I just wag the tail and put up with it because that’s what I do. He’s the boss because he’s bigger than me and the one time I asserted myself he turned on me like a real dog, pinned me down, and made like he was going to bite my neck. I never saw a human do that before; it made an impression on me I can tell you.

So this morning he’s all about telling me to stop the barking and whatever. Of course, I just gave him that “dog” look – the one that says “I’m listening but I don’t understand”. I can’t let him know that I do understand; then my laying in the sunshine days would be over. He’d be trying to make money off my by selling tickets or something. Can’t have that.

Trespassers

April 14, 2006

TheMan got totally mad at me yesterday because I was trying to catch a bird on the back porch. They get in there all the time and because it’s screened in, they get trapped and they are apparently too stupid to get back out so they just fly around and whack into the screens – back and forth. So naturally, I go out there, herd them into a corner, and kill them. That’s what dogs do you know?

But no! He comes out there and is all “No, No Dixie!” and managed to actually catch the thing in his hands. I think he learned how to do that from me. He did a pretty good job of it. He called it a “cardinal”.

Whatever.

When he grabbed it, the thing totally bit his hand with its beak but I gotta give him credit; he didn’t flinch, let go, or yelp – he carried it over to the door and let it go. I was really dissappointed to see it fly away – killing birds is about the only excitement I get on most days. I don’t know why he cares – there doesn’t seem to be any shortage of birds. One of them wouldn’t be missed.

Thinking

April 12, 2006

That whole death of Penny thing got me to thinking.  I can do a lot of that while laying in the sun in the back yard (not a bad life).  It made me think of Bandit.

Bandit lived across the street.  He was one of those freaky Siberian Huskies with the blue eyes.  He did his own thing and didn't care if anybody else cared or approved.  This is very un-doglike and I didn't approve (still don't) but as a result, he dug out from under his fence and I saw him often.  I guess I have to admire the self-confidence.  He wasn't mean – just independent.  TheMan caught him several times and locked him in the garage until Bandit's family came home and came to get him. 

But he passed away last year and I found out in the same way – a big bag of partially eaten food.  His was better – Alpo I think.  But it was still sad. 

But he totally freaked me out with his attitude – I mean, I want out as badly as the next dog but I know it really make TheMan mad and so I don't want to make that happen but Bandit didn't care.  What's up with that?  Not caring about what your master thinks?  That's just wrong.

Terriers

April 10, 2006

I was watching through the fence Saturday while TheMan mowed the grass.  Along the sidewalk comes this little terrier that I've seen before.  I don't like him much because he doesn't obey the Law of the Pack.  He escapes his house and goes exploring even though the knows darn well that his family doesn't want him to.

Terriers are like that.

Anyway, he comes trotting along and TheMan greets him very nicely.  This dog puts his ears up, lifts his leg on a bush, and growls.  Well, TheMan doesn't like that so he walks towards the dog who starts running.  TheMan started running too.  The dog ran faster and started to bark.  That's when it got funny; TheMan would run the dog would run away barking than turn around and bark some more.

Too funny!  The little rat's running away and saying "Boy if you ever catch me, you're gonna get it!"  The last we heard of him he was way down the hill running and still barking.  I didn't bark at him – some things just don't need any comment.

That's what I don't like about terriers.

New Dog Food

April 6, 2006

When TheMan went out to that room with the cars in it to get my milkbone last night, there was a huge bag of Ol'Roy sitting on the floor open.  I'm thinking "Oh No."  That can only mean one thing when somebody gives TheMan a half empty sack of used dogfood:  somebody died.

I listened to them and found out that it was Penny the Bassett from over the hill.  She was OK; she came to stay with us for a day or two last year when her family was on vacation.  I was good – I didn't act mean to her or try to keep her from eating my stuff.  My family was good to me to – I got to come inside and they made her stay out which preserved the almight pecking order for me.  Happiness!  But really – Penny totally stunk!  I'm a dog so I thought that smelled great but my family hates that dog smell; that's why I smell kinda perfumy all the time.  I just put up with it.

Too bad about Penny.  She was OK.  Kinda dumb but friendly enough.  But now I've got to eat that Ol'Roy.  Gag!  I'm used to the Eukanuba and now this crap.  I'm sorry Penny's dead but I don't see why I have to suffer because of it.  Geez, there must be 40 pounds of it left. 

*sigh*.

A Chance Encounter

April 5, 2006

So I'm walking along the street during our evening walk and I pass this fence with a loose board.  On the other side this dumb dog starts going off on me.  He's all like:

"Hey!  You'd better not come into my yard!  I'm gonna get out of here and come bite your head!"

Yeah.  Like I'd want in his yard!  His breath smell like he eats Ol'Roy all the time.  But the funny part was he finds this loose board. 

By that time, we were way down the sidewalk and out comes this weiner dog.  A weiner dog!  What a hoot!  He's got all this attitude and then he turns out to be just a weiner dog with little bitty legs.  I wanted to laugh but he couldn't see me yet so I turned around and started trotting towards him.  My leash was unreeling from that handle thing that TheMan holds and this weiner dog thought I was coming to get him or something. 

Man, he turned right around and took off like a rocket back to his little hole in the fence.  He went into the hole and got stuck!  Oh TheMan was laughing so hard and I'm all like:

 "OK, I'm just trying to be friendly but I guess you've not only got "little dog" syndrome, you also have no balls!" 

It was so funny!  What a weiner!